Well, well.....

Well, it has been a little more than a year since I have blogged. I have missed it just a little. I have also been cheating on blogger with tumblr. I'm not going to lie, tumblr is legit and I am going to try and maintain both blogs. We shall see how this goes......nonetheless, I have had something that has been heavy on my heart lately and here is how it goes:

There are some relationships in our lives that dissolve over time. People we once knew so well become mere acquaintances. It’s part of life, the cycle of how things work. Fortunately our relationship with God is far from that. He offers unconditional love and complete faithfulness. He will never leave us, nor forsake us. God is the One we can fully rely on, lean on and trust in. When we are in His will, going after what He wants for our lives, we can never lose. So what are you holding onto broken relationships for? Give it to God, let Him heal the wounds. God knows we need people in our lives to help us through, so trust that the He is going to place the right people in your life, at just the right time. And when the time comes, some of those people will move on, things may not be the same but they were in your life for the right season. Life is about seasons and we can be grateful that God gives us the right people for each one. No matter where life takes us, we should always thank God for the people who have supported us through our most difficult moments.

Let It Be

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."

[John 14:1]

As my last few weeks at Emmanuel College finish out, I have encountered many struggles. My biggest struggle is constantly thinking: what in the world happens next?! In college, they prepare you for the career you choose and they tell you what the next step is SUPPOSED to be when you graduate, but at this very moment, I have NO idea what the next step is for me. Should I teach in a public school? Should I teach in a Christian school? Should I work in a preschool? These are questions that I have no answer to. I want to be right where I am supposed to be. I have been in prayer about what to do next, but something has been distracting me. I keep thinking, "I'm not ready." I have said for four years, "I can't wait till it's over." Of course, now that the time is here, I am a little lost. I have no set plans, and I can't believe that I am packing EVERYTHING up and moving back to Columbia in exactly two weeks. I throw the word "bittersweet" around a lot but the more I think about leaving Emmanuel, and some of my closest friends, that is exactly the feeling I get. I am overwhelmed with emotions, and it hurts (just a little) to know that I am leaving a place that I have called home for four years. I guess I have pushed everything to the side and figured I would "deal with it" later. Well later is here........

As the tennis team made the (lonnnnggg) trip back from Alabama today, I was set with my Ipod and couldn't wait to get home. As the drive was coming to an end, Let It Be covered by Kris Allen came on. The more I listened to the lyrics of the song, I realized God was telling me exactly what I needed to hear;

"There will be an answer, let it be. And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, let it shine on until tomorrow. Let it be."

How profound those words are, there will be an answer, let it be. It didn't take long for me to understand what was being said; though I have doubt, though I have fear and I am so worried that I am going to leave this place and all that I once had will be gone, it's not over yet. This chapter of my life is coming to a close. I will never forget the friendships that touched my life in ways that are unexplainable and I will always remember the amazing work that God did in my life while I was here. As the new chapter begins, I know that I will be reminded of the promises that God has made to me, and no matter where I go, the people who have really impacted my life these past four years will always be there. I have to trust that there WILL be an answer and just let it be......

So, as I conclude this entry and my college career comes to an end, I have a few people that deserve (more than) a thank you........

To my parents: Thank you for supporting me, no matter what my dream was. I know this has been a crazy four years, and I am so blessed to have two wonderful parents who stick by me no matter what. You both mean the world to me, and I made it through the hard times the past four years had to offer because of your unconditional love. [I love you]

To Lauren Marie Johnson: many, many, many years ago you became my best friend. I am so blessed to have you in my life, and it makes me happy knowing our friendship can handle the long distance test! I can't wait to be back home and 10 minutes away from you! It's hard to believe that we're all grown up now but I am definitely looking forward to the many years ahead. Thank you so much for ALWAYS being there and never giving up on me. You are the sister I never got to have and I love you to pieces

To my roommates; Courtney Anne Phillips: You have made the past two years enjoyable and quite interesting. Thank you for all the useless knowledge you tried to instill in me. Sorry I couldn't retain it all :) I am glad you are someone I can call "best friend." Thank you for sticking by me when I had my not so proud moments, and thank you for always sharing your heart and wisdom with me when I needed it. I am honored to be (one of) your MOHs and I have no doubt that years down the road, you and I will still be there for each other, no matter what the distance may be. I love you.

Hilary Ann Hall: We thought we would never be friends with each other, but look how far we have come. I will never forget the time you called me chicken (and I looked at you like you were crazy) and I will never forget the moment I knew you were going to be someone I wanted to keep around for a very long time. I know there are times I act more like your mom than your friend, but I hope you know it's because I care. Though my time has come to an end at Emmanuel, I wish you nothing but success and happiness as you finish your last few years. Thank you for always saying what I needed to hear, and for the long nights that involved 79 cent cokes. You truly are a best friend to me and though there will be distance, I know we'll make it. The one thing I want to leave you with is this:

"My wish for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know that I really do love you, and want the same things too. This is my wish, for you." -Rascal Flatts

I love you chicken, to the moon and back a few times. Don't ever forget that.

To Stephanie Elaine Mathis: I have one question for you; can you believe it? You started out as my best friend at Emmanuel and you made it a whole four years with me. I know we had our bumps in the road, a lot actually but who's keeping count, right? I am glad we were able to work our differences out and finally grow up :) Words really can't express how excited I am for the journey you are getting ready to take.....I just hope you know that no matter what you're doing, I am always here for you. Thank you for always being there for me even when I didn't deserve it. I will take A LOT of good memories with me from our times together at Emmanuel, along with a lot of memories that neither of us should ever mention ha. I love you and I am looking forward to what happens next with us......maybe that ministry idea will happen!?

To my favorite tennis partner, KP: Thank you for making the past two years of tennis tolerable! You always know how to make me laugh, and I thank you for genuinely caring! I am going to miss being your doubles partner, and I am definitely going to miss singing at the top of our lungs in the back of the van. I will be coming back to watch you beat the snot out of Columbia and........well that's our only "yes" team so I guess that's it. Always remember to be confident, because you're good at what you do. If you ever need some FOG, you just let me know! Love you and make the best out of your last two years at EC.

To everyone else: I know there are plenty of people I didn't mention, but it doesn't mean you haven't impacted my life in some way over the past four years.....so to you I simply say; Thank you. Thank you for accepting me and loving me no matter what mood I was in. Thank you for guiding me and teaching me. Thank you for helping me and allowing me to help you. Thank you for caring. Thank you for making my four years at Emmanuel memorable.

To Franklin Springs (Emmanuel College): It was great while it lasted, but it's most definitely time for me to go.

It's time to turn the page to begin the next chapter of this crazy thing we all call life.

Just Breathe

“Every breath is an opportunity to receive and let go. I receive love and I let go of pain.”

I simply encourage you to take a moment to breathe in some "fresh" air. Clean out your filter and get ready to face the day, week and months ahead. Fill your thoughts with encouragement and always keep in mind: People are not obstacles, they are opportunities. When you have been blessed, your words could change the course of someone's life! Share your love and encouragement with someone around you. It's easy to get frustrated and react by speaking DEATH, so stay positive and remember that your words can impact someone's life in a positive OR negative way. The choice is yours.

Which Door?

"For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace."

[Ecclesiastes 3:1-8]

So as of late, I have realized that many doors open and close for us. They can be doors of opportunity, doors that lead us to the people we need to surround ourselves with, or even doors that lead us to make decisions to cut out people in our lives. Sometimes the doors we are given to walk through are easy and painless, some are hard and hurtful. I truly believe that we are given choices as to what door we want to walk through. The right one and the wrong one. Sometimes we choose the wrong one. We give into temptation, we allow ourselves to hang out with people that we know aren't right for us. Sometimes the right door to walk through is not the most attractive door or the most appealing, but it offers us a positive outcome. We have become so enthralled by the outward appearance of things. There are times when it is better to step back, evaluate which decision is RIGHT, regardless of how it may look. God knows best. If He leads you to walk through the ugly, beat up door then take it. The pretty, nicely painted door could be attractive but at the same time it's the wrong one. You will know in your heart of hearts which door is the right one. It's up to you to make the decision of which one to walk through. One can bring you life, the other may bring you death and destruction. When it comes time for you to choose, don't be distracted by the WRONG door, you may just miss the opportunity to walk through the RIGHT door.

Which door do you choose?

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

Purpose

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power."

[Ephesians 6:10]

As I sit in our living room surrounded by paperwork and a million things that need to be done, I think to myself;

"There is not enough time to possibly get ALL of this done, before I graduate!"

After having a meeting over my tennis and stage design schedules today, I wanted to come home and say "I quit!" But as I was walking through the empty house, trying to figure out where in the world to begin, I said to myself, "You better suck it up and get used to it!" Which can also translate as;

"Put your big girl panties on and get over it!"

So I sat down and laid everything out in front of me; every project, unit plan, lesson plan, behavior management assignment, tennis match and stage design meeting that needed to be planned and completed. The more I looked through due dates, match days and deadlines for the stage, I could feel my blood pressure rising, just a little. I put all of my hesitation aside and productively organized everything on a full-size calendar. (And I made sure to write everything in pencil, just in case.....)

Now that the calendar is complete, I really wouldn't mind throwing it in the trash and walking away from all of my responsibilities. The number of things I am expected to fit into one day on some days is outrageous. I had convinced myself that there were just not enough hours in a day for me to successfully make it through the semester, with a degree in my hand. The stress level that instantly came over me was slightly overwhelming. Being home alone, I had no one to talk to out loud about the (ugly) emotions I was feeling towards this semester. So I started praying. I prayed for peace and comfort. I prayed for encouragement and strength. And as I was praying, there was a calming peace that came over me. I felt secure in the things that were expected of me, because everything I am doing has a purpose. And every assignment will make me more prepared, more effective and more aware of God's encouragement and strength that he gives daily.

So what is the point of all of my blabbing today? The point is to never be discouraged. Life challenges us everyday. If there isn't a challenge then there is nothing to work for. The challenges are not put there to discourage us or to bring us down, they are there to make everything worth it in the end. Don't take the easy way out and quit on whatever it is that may be overwhelming. Finish the race with the purpose in mind. When you're alone and feel like you're running on empty, remember God is ready to fill you back up. He is always there to encourage us and provide the strength we need to make it through whatever day of the week it is.

"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.

Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you.

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."

[Isaiah 41:10]

No Worries

"To worry is human. We worry about job security. We worry about unexpected expenses. We worry when our children ride their bikes around the block for the first time. Worry is a normal and natural part of life. But too much worry can distract and paralyze us--and can even lead to a sinful denial of God's presence and grace in our lives. Scripture teachers that we find rest from inappropriate worry when we admit we can't control the future and entrust ourselves--and our loved ones--to the God who does."

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you."

[1 Peter 5:7]

So lately it seems that I have been blogging about worry, doubt and trust [in God]. It seems pretty repetitive BUT it is obviously something God is dealing with in my heart. So I figured I will continue to blog about what has been placed on my heart until it's time to move on to whatever's next.......

Ok, so back to this worry thing, I started using my brand new 2010 planner that my wonderful mother got for me. It's a planner but it is also filled with devotions. It has a different discussion topic at the beginning of each month, along with a scripture for each day. Guess what the topic for January is? WORRY! Guess what I have been reading about in Captivating? WORRY....DOUBT.....ya think God is trying to say something to me? I would have to say definitely so. The reassuring thing to me is that I am constantly being reminded to not worry, God's got it under control. The moments God is using to speak to me about my current, biggest fear, is pretty comforting. So as I am reminded daily that the will of my life is in the right hands, I will continue to share the words that God has placed in my heart. In hopes that maybe something, ANYTHING I put on this blog will maybe touch/impact your life just as it has done mine.

"When we camp our hearts in self-doubt, condemning thoughts, or even shame because those emotions have become familiar and uncomfortable, we are faithlessly indulging rather than allowing our deep ache to draw us to God" [Captivating]

"But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm."

[Exodus 14:13-14]

New Reflection

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."

[Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT]

2010 is officially here. Many of us have taken a good, long look in the mirror to see what it is we can "change" this year. Resolutions have been made, but were they the right ones? What is it that you focused on as you looked yourself up and down, trying so hard to find a physical flaw?

For me, my resolution had nothing to do with my physical appearance. My resolution had everything to do with my heart. 2009 opened a lot of doors for me, it provided a trust in God that I had never experienced before. The next stage of my life was also knocking eagerly at the door, attempting to test my newfound trust. Even as I rang in the new year, all that I could think about was May 8, 2010, the day I will graduate from Emmanuel College. I should be ecstatic right? Wrong. The more I think about how that day is quickly drawing near, I have this indescribable fear. Fear that I won't find a job, fear that I won't be a successful teacher, fear that I will FAIL.

So as my mind was clouded with thoughts of negativity when I entered 2010, I took a moment to step back and reevaluate my thought process. You see, I filled in on Sunday night for the youth group. My lesson involved Rob Bell's Nooma DVD, Kickball. Kickball targets our doubt, and the worry we may have about things that God has already promised would work out. I guess I felt like it was something the youth needed to hear, but little did I realize that I needed to listen to my own words. I made a handout to go along with the DVD that provided points to remember, and thoughts/scriptures to remember. As I look back on the scriptures on that handout, I decided that I needed to apply them to my life. I know that in 2009 I was able to experience a trust in God like never before but I didn't take time to apply it very well. So what is my resolution for 2010? My resolution is to fully trust in what God says and has already said He will do. I want to be continue to seek God in everything I do and not worry about petty things. I want to be able to trust that in the end, everything will work out just the way it's supposed to.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

[Jeremiah 29:11 NLT]

"Mirror I am seeing a new reflection

I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me

And to Him I have beauty beyond compare

I know He defines me..."